Whod you bang
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Randomize
