Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
His nipple licking is glorious
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