Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
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