New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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