is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize