Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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