They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
