I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
