I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize