Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
