This dress was meant to end up on your floor
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
