onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
