Hey man sorry I got all grabby
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
