There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
