Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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