do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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