I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
