Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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