I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
