im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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