he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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