is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize