mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Randomize
