Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
