it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
