I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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