so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Randomize
