just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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