She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
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