WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
