I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I cannot find my penis.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
