I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
