If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
