exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
