what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
