My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
