My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
