For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
