Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
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