i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
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