Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
