Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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