Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
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