I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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