I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
