Pregnant stripper...not hot.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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