well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
