Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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