At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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