I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
