you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
