6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize