New invention idea: vibrating tampons
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
