i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
