I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize