My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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