I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
