onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
