YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
