i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
