Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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