I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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