Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Randomize
