a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
