his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
