I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
