I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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