we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
