**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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