I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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