I wanna bring you to show and tell
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Randomize