That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
