There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Randomize
