I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
