The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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