Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
