Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
