My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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