I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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