He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
