Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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