I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Did we literally take a cab across the street
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
