Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
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