Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
