Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
