Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
