She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
