I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
