guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
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