Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
