The maid of honor just puked.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
