Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
