So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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