Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
