I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
